Monday, 14 July 2014

Coping with petulant parents

Many movies have represented the elderly as difficult and abrasive, Grumpy Old Men is a good example and their antics were considered humorous. The reality for a lot of people is that dealing with an elderly person who complains a lot is no laughing matter.

For a caregiver this can be degrading and draining. Understanding past behaviours and determining the many possible underlying causes may help a caregiver find effective ways to deal with it.

It is fairly common that medication can affect a person’s mood. Even antidepressants, which would usually be prescribed to treat someone, can in fact exacerbate the problem, particularly in the first month or two. If the person has recently started taking medication particularly those known for their propensity to cause personality changes such anti-seizure medications, blood pressure medications, even anti-inflammatories, then try to determine if mood-swings are common side effects or if the medication could be causing discomfort through an unrelated side effect, thus triggering a negative mood reaction.

If the elderly person has not recently started a new medication, then perhaps they should. Pain, even just a niggling problem, can cause unhappiness in the happiest of people. Urinary tract infections (UTI) or mild osteoarthritis for example may not feel serious enough to seek medical attention, but the personality change may just be the sign that they need a check-up. Early dementia needs to be ruled out as fear and frustrations from forgetfulness will result in negative mood changes.

Sadly the life circumstances of many adults have resulted in them developing disagreeable personalities. If it is a parent you are looking after, you will know if they were always controlling or abusive either physically or emotionally. Often these behaviours don’t change when their children become adults themselves. In this instance it would be best for the caregivers to learn techniques to distance themselves from these behaviours by learning to handle anger and resentment issues. Therapy or counselling is usually the most effective method of obtaining the skills and confidence to continue your role as care giver to a difficult parent.

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